I have learned there are some remarks at a party that can be said in the company of friends that you CANNOT say in the company of people you do not know.  Let’s just say some were very bad.  Some were political, some where regarding the rough neighborhoods of Nashville.  I spent 5 years in one of those neighborhoods.  It was sometimes rough.  There were certain streets you did not go down at night unless you were looking to get shot, buy drugs, prescription pills, or five finger discounts.  Hookers were everywhere in the area.  There where seedy motels that hookers and pimps practically lived in, and a school on that road had to have regular cleans up due to IV drug users leaving their needles there. 

This was back in the early to mid 90′s though.  The police did a major crack down about the prostitution in the area a few years ago.  A couple of the seedy motels were torn down because of what the businesses were being used for.  I go through the area now and then.  To me it has changed some, but still has a long way to go.  We lived there because we were poor and rent was cheap.  You just have to do what you have to survive. 

My husband wanted to know what was bothering me so I told him about the “Honesty?” post I wrote.  He told me that who I sent it to would not answer it and explained why.  He said in his time of trying to become an actor he learned it would not be realized because of his convictions.  He stated that he would not betray his convictions.  He is not an ass kisser.  I can tell you first hand, he will not kiss anyone’s ass or take anyone’s shit.  He is also very set about who he is and will not change for anyone.  This has caused us many fights and arguments because I feel he is not emotional.  I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt because it does.  Please do not mistake that as being needy.  Far from it.  I am quite independent and unlike my spouse I would travel on a moment’s notice if it meant getting to experience something as long as it does not betray what I feel in my heart.  I love going places.  I love how free it makes me feel.

My husband told me today that others were concerned about me as well because I seemed a bit down last night.  I told him to let them know I was fine.  That I was just in thoughts about my “Hnesty?” post as he was heading over to their place to play Left 4 Dead.  He just held me.  Something he does not do often enough.

Why do many fans say “I was fan of you for X amount of years” and never stopped being your fan,  but yet where were those fans when that/those idol(s) went from playing in arenas to  local clubs or faded into obscurity.  Someone HAD to have STOPPED being a fan at some point or that/those idol(s) would have never gone from playing in areans to local clubs or faded into obscurity.    Why lie about it?  Why not be honest with yourself and say I was a fan for X amount of years but then I quit listening to them, but now I am glad they are back?  Does honesty not matter anymore?  Must we now lie about who we are, step on people, hurt people to get somewhere?  Why do people with less than perfect looks and great gifts get passed over? 

What would hurt more?  Having someone be honest with you up front even though it may hurt your feelings, or having them lie  to you only to let you find out the truth later?  Is that person supposed to ever trust you again?  Would you if the shoe was on the other foot?  Would you do anything to get something even if it meant betraying who you are while lying to everyone else and saying you have not?  Can you live with betraying what’s inside your own heart because that ‘s what it took to get what you wanted?  People say to have faith, but how can one have faith when what they see are those that practice deception obtaining what they seek.

I got my cell phone yesterday.  I got it through a government program.  With both cars screwing up and no funds to fix them, I needed something in case my family and I encounter an emergency.  I can use it to call friends and such but if I use up all my alloted minutes I have to buy more as I only receive so many a month.  So I have let everyone know not to call me on it too often.

It started raining on our way up to my sister’s and I was no!    The scavenger hunt was cancelled due tot he rain but we were able to pull of everything else.  There was a costume contest, then we had the kids split up into several teams to do the Mummy Wrap.  Each team had a volunteer.  A timer was started and the each team had to wrap their kid in toilet paper as fast as they could.  It was too cute.  We had an apple bob and my 5 year old loved it.  She came running to me with wet hair and face and was going “Look mom!  I got an apple!”.  She did it twice and the whole time I was going brrrr because I know that water had to be cold. 

 The kids were all given candy necklace kits to string and while they were stringing them I sang  to younger kids.  I once asked my husband  how I sounded.  He stated that since he did not like Country Music everyone who sings it sounded like crap and that he could not give me an honest opinion. 

I have an old upright piano in the home, but it needs to be tuned and a couple of the keys need to be repaired.  I played the piano in high school.  I want so bad to learn again but cannot afford lessons.  I still remember all the scales.  I don’t play it because my husband hates my piano.  He was happy when I was trying to sell it, but not happy when I changed my mind.  My 5 year old had an accident with it when she was 18 months old.  I was at work.  She was playing chase with my eldest daughter and when she came running around the corner she tripped over the leg of it and slammed face first into it.  She wound losing her front tooth and had to get stitches in her upper lip to reconnect a piece she bit off.  It was a very small piece and you would never know it looking at her now.  The missing tooth is not much of an issue now as she began to lose her baby teeth at 4.  She has 2 adult teeth and and is about to lose another one.

As I had to run errands, I skipped over breakfast.

Lunch:

1 hard shell taco

Dinner:

1 Cheeseburger minus 1/2 bun

I have been working the whole time until recently and the new job did not pan out as I did not want to do sales.  When I had my interview and when I applied I was under the impression it was a customer service position.  No, what they hired me for was sales.  I  cannot hold a sales job for two reasons.  I cannot work with someone who hides their real personality.  And I refuse to be deceptive.  Also, let’s not confuse this with acting. 

I hear all the time “sales is just like acting” …uh, no it’s not.  In acting you are selling a pretend product to a pretend person who is buying the pretend product with money that is either not real or not theirs to begin with.  Try telling that ”sales is just like acting” to the Senior Citizen who used their Social Security check to buy something they really did not need and now may not be able to cover the rest of their bills for the month.  That bothers me morally. 

I am stuggling to keep what I have.  I cannot recall the last time I have actually bought something  just for me.  Even when I could do that I still didn’t.  I think of everyone else and get them things because it makes me feel good that I am giving to someone else other then myself.  My father remembered when I was working at Opryland as a teen during the summer and how I gave my sisters some of my paycheck so they could get something.

2 Bratwurst

2 slices of cheese

mustard

2 slices low carb bread for buns